There are a number of essential life lessons that must be learnt when you have cats. When you have black cats in particular, you must learn first and foremost that in the dark, cats are invisible. Thus, if you step on something, get off quick, because you are large and cats are small and breakable, and also tend to react disproportionately to the affront. Most of the time its bag you’ve stepped on, or something else, but you can’t run the risk of it being a cat (for their safety or yours). I have had black cats for more than half my life now, and thus my ability to not step on what might be a cat is honed to perfection. I’m not sure how to explain it to those who don’t own black cats, but if you imagine the movement and reaction speeds you’d need to remove your foot from a bear trap you just stood on before it clanged shut – that’s the type of movement and speed we’re talking about. Having just started the transfer of weight from previous foot to the foot that now might be on a cat (or bear trap), the step must now be somehow magically aborted without you falling on your face. All coupled with the adrenaline rush of ‘gahdidihurtthecat?!’ Mad skillz.
The end result is that I know what floors should feel like. So when the hall carpet was replaced with tiling I spent an entire week walking downstairs in the dark and dancing like a loon when I hit the tiled floor, throwing whatever I’m carrying (which was at one point a pint of water). It’s been about a month now, and I still have to remind myself the floor has changed, but things are getting better. That was, until the baby gate was installed on the second to last step (it’s open at night but the bar across the bottom lies on the step). Aaaaand it all started again, except more dramatic as in addition to having two steps to fall down I’m preoccupied by the whole tile thing, so by the second to last step I’m thinking “Now remember – the hall flooring is tile not carp- THING ON STEP MIGHT BE A CAT!” *flail*
Yes I could turn the light on. But ironically while I have apparently managed to subconsciously learn the feel of all the flooring at all points of the house, I haven’t yet learned which of the switches on the double light switches turn on the downstairs light, and the risk of turning on the upstairs one instead and waking people up is too great.
Such are the trials of an owner of black cats.
Also you end up apologising to bags a lot.
