Suprisingly, I'm not asleep

I know – 2.34am and me awake? Whatever next.

Tomorrow is the First Day and my anxiety is of course at record levels. I think it’s a lot better to be going to a job you don’t know much about or know the people etc.; my first job was like that, and I go thrown in the deep end and coped, but if I hadn’t coped, I could have left, and the opinions of the people there wouldn’t matter one jot. Now I start a job with my ex-lecturers, in a place filled with people who know what I should know because they taught me it!  And it’s been a year, and I don’t know it anymore. Sure, I can marsupialise a rabbit abscess, worm a tortoise (don’t ask) and spey a cat but sadly those skills aren’t called upon much when you’re an anaesthetist. That said, CS, my pessimist ex-colleague,  works 1-in-2 weekends and has the world’s worst cases, and is currently doing a 12 day run of days.

Plus I am plagued with doubt and indecision – whether going into specialist practice was right, whether I’ll be working Christmas day, whether I’ll get free time off to go to court (am a witness for something) when I only get 12 days holiday a year anyway. As per my rotations, I strongly suspect that as soon as I have my scrubs and clogs and I know what I’m doing I’ll be as content as a contented thing; it’s the antici-

-pation that is the worst.