I know where I want to be, but I’m not sure I’ll like it when I get there. Plus there’s the whole getting there – take the long route struggling on the outside, or the fast route through the grueling and humiliating inside. Or worse, apply for the inside, fail, and get stuck on the outside anyway. My only consolation is that I never expected to be happy on the outside, so at least disappointment is minimal. If I go inside, where I (in theory) want to be, and I’m not happy, what then?
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I know how you feel. I thought i would hate doing what i do, especially as i hated it so much as a student i wanted to kill everyone! (not literally obviously!) But i love what i am doing now and i so never expected to. You might get on the inside and hate it, but then you might find a whole new little lane that you didnt know exsisted and surprise yourself at enjoying something you never thought you would. LIfe goes in funny directions babe and you never know what you are gonna get in your chocolates (to Misquote forest gump!!!)
On the positive side it’s good to have ambition! When you get to where you think you want to be, if it turns out you don’t like it, at least you can say you gave it a shot and will never have to wonder ‘what if’. Also, the journey there may open up other opportunities you didn’t before realise were possible. There are always options – people can have career changes a lot later in life – look at Dad!